Let’s Get A Bit More Personal

Mother’s Day
Last Sunday was mother’s day and I was feeling kinda guilty because I never got anything for my mom. But at least, a nice “Happy Mother’s Day!” kinda wiped out my guilt…even just a bit.

——

I’m Not Crazy, I’m Just A Little Unwell (I hope…)

Well I’m not crazy
I’m just a little unwell
I know right now you can’t tell
But stay a while and maybe then you’ll see a different side of me*

My mom recently told me that I’ve been acting kinda weird lately and that I have a lot of secrets they don’t know. She even asked,

Ano ba yang pinagtata-type mo sa computer?

I was blogging during that time. I shrugged and said the classic palusot, “Wala lang”. She than answered,

Kaya hirap kaming intindihin ka eh. Ang dami mo kasing sikretong tinatago samin…

Yeah, she’s right. They do misunderstand me in a lot of ways…and I do have a lot of secrets I don’t tell them. Just like this blog you’re reading right now. My parents don’t know anything about this.

I don’t know if they know that I blog (or do they even know “blog”) or anything about this blog. In my whole three years of blogging, I never told my family anything about my “cyber life”. Besides, I won’t give a damn to let them read my blog.

This, perhaps, is the only thing that separates myself from my physical being. I mean, everybody sees me as me — a five foot (and some inches) guy, apparently hanging on the hell of puberty. I consider myself different from what I am outside than to what I write about myself on this blog. And I don’t want my family to know the other side of my being. I don’t know. I’m really baffled.

…And that’s why I think I’m crazy.

And if you’re really curios of who I am, you just simply have to come in here, read some stuff and that’s it — that’s who I am. And that’s all I can offer. Paradoxically, I don’t know that much about myself. Maybe somebody knows better of who I am than I do. But as much as I can, I put down everything I have in head on this thing we all call blog. And so far as summer is concerned, this blog is the only thing that keeps my systems running (except for food, that is).

I really feel empty right now. But ironically, my mind is full of things. I really don’t know what they are. But I always keep on thinking about ‘em. Gaahhh…I am crazy. I swear I am.

I found the safest place to keep all our old mistakes
Every dot com’s refreshing for a journal update**

*Unwell by Matchbox Twenty
**Thriller by Fall Out Boy

~ by Jmar on May 13, 2008.